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Tierney Cyanne Photography

June 18, 2014

A Personal Post | Tired

by Tierney Johnson in Personal


I'm going to be honest. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. It's mostly my fault, because I choose to stay up until 1am watching Scandal on Netflix. I also don't have to work outside the home, but I choose to do so because I enjoy photography. Life quickly becomes crazy without a little self discipline, which I used to have ample amounts of. I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere between high school and motherhood I lost my desire to rise early, to exercise, and even to change out of my pajamas into normal clothing on a daily basis if I didn't have to. That's kind of embarrassing to admit, probably because I'm a proud person. 

I received an email requesting that Finley come to the final casting call for the 2014 Gap Holiday Campaign in NYC next week. Do I want to go? YES. Is it a good idea for me to go? NO.

I'm really struggling with the decision not to go. Some of you might know that I took Finley to a few casting calls in NYC for another Baby Gap campaign several months ago, and he wasn't selected. I was upset, and then I fully moved on. I haven't given it a thought since! Why now, I have to wonder? Why in the midst of even the everyday tasks of life being overwhelming am I presented with a second chance, an opportunity to pursue something desirable and entirely unnecessary? I have a feeling it has a lot to do with my expressed desire to learn self discipline and better prioritizing skills. This is where I have to choose between talk and action, and it's not easy.

Am I being too honest? Sometimes I hesitate to be honest because I take my job as a photographer very seriously. So seriously that I'd rather smile and pretend to be fine than have anyone doubt that I will do less than my best work. Clients, I prioritize you, probably above my family, which is why I'm slowing taking steps back from photography, especially as Joey and I consider having more children.

I haven't posted in a while and I just wanted to write something, letting you know that I'm still here, that I'm still working hard, and that I'm still human. I'm just feeling especially human today. 

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New bow, new photo shoot, naturally! 🎀 Also wanted to share a bit more about Greta’s “diagnosis” from our evaluation with a physical therapist for Early Intervention. She likely has fluid in her ears, and always has, and that has messed with her sense of balance and such, so she has avoided doing certain things (rolling, tummy time) to maintain her sense of stability. Some of her quirks point to this- she’s had a ruptured eardrum, always seems to be engaging her core muscles, is very intrigued with vibration (scratching her fingernails on stuff), tilts her head from side to side when she’s eating, pulls her ears a lot, and a few other things I can’t remember. She has a 50% delay in gross motor skills as a result. I’ll try to share our journey as we go along but she starts physical therapy within the next two weeks and will likely be seeing an ENT to have her ears evaluated. Watch out world, here we come! #gretasgram #tenmonths #earlyintervention #wunderkindred
My people. 💕 #ourlittlejohnsonthree
Today I signed my first baby up for kindergarten. 😭 Full disclosure: he is also registered for another year of preschool because #attachmentissues but we also registered him at the local public school to keep our options open. Is he not Joey’s mini-me here or what?! Same black jacket, leather boots, distracted glance during this photo. 😂 #mamasgotgrowingpains #anxietyfordays
Just smothering her with love. 😬 Do any of you girl moms worry about how your relationship with your daughter is going to be as you both grow? I do! But I’ve resolved to just take it one stage and age at a time and trust that the Lord will provide what we need to thrive! He is not a God of worry, after all. 💕
It was so cold but I really wanted to show you all my new knee socks that I’m still not sure I like the way I look in (also the snow boots might be throwing me off) but here you go! Thanks @ashlandpark for the photo. 💕 #magnoliakids #mynameismama
Okay ladies, I’ve had the best luck with these @legendairymilk supplements. If I told you I tried Pump Princess, I lied- my brain just doesn’t function its best these days, I’ve only tried Liquid Gold! I take 2 pills a day and my milk supply is SO much noticeably more. Now I do know it’s normal for your supply to be more regulated and less ample once your baby is older and eating more solids... but in my experience (I’m nursing my 3rd baby at the moment) my supply always drops so much closer to age one that my impatient babies pretty much just lose interest and start weaning. I really want to nurse until age 2, that’s been my goal each time and my boys weaned sometime after age 1 which I was fine with but I have hope Greta might nurse longer since I have more milk available for her without her having to work too hard for it. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 So for any mamas out there who need a supply boost... these could be what you need! #legendairymilk #breastfeeding #nursingmama #ebf #liquidgold #normalizebreastfeeding
Happy 30th birthday @joeyjohnson4904! You are the rock of this family and I still love getting into bed with you every night- well most nights, let’s not pretend we don’t have our moments! 😬 I hope the Lord blesses you with 30 more years times 3! And I hope I’m there with you the whole time! 💕 #thebig30 📷: @paigeandiris
Today was a major laundry day and I ran out of places to hang things but Greta’s tights looked so pretty laying in the window to dry! 💕 #sawyerandhalle #littlelightfeet #iralovesmae
Hi, my name is Greta, but you can call me irresistible. 😍 I don’t move much (any) yet and my mom is taking advantage of that by doing some extra photo shoots! I’ve been wearing the same hair bow on repeat so if any small shops want to collaborate and mix up our clip stash, we’re all game. 😉 #gretasgram #tenmonths
Sometimes I do my hair. Sometimes. It’s nice to feel good about yourself! 😉 (Also, do you ever look at photos of yourself and think they don’t really look like you? For some reason that’s how I feel about this picture... it’s me but it doesn’t remind me of me. 🤔) #instamom
So the other day I caught myself saying, “Oh no, honey, don’t go in there.” Which sounds nice enough... except that I was talking to our robot vacuum! 😂 Who else can relate?! (SAHM = stay at home mom) 🙋🏻‍♀️ #momlife #letterboardquotes
Knee socks on babies are so good! Seriously if I had a boy I would even be experimenting on outfits that incorporate knee socks! 😍 #magnoliakids
How you doing this morning, friends? Today is a snow day for us. It’s the end of the week, which means I’m about to lose my marbles but salvation is near because it’s almost the weekend. I’ve been doing well- my mind is constantly at war with itself (and so are my kids 🙄) but I sense that I’m gonna win this. I’ve been reading the following verse a lot, and there is peace in knowing that there’s hope to live not in the chaos I feel so often: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7) My therapist is teaching me how to figure out if my thoughts are based in FEAR or in FAITH. We use scripture to verify that the way God desires for me to feel and think isn’t the way my anxious, OCD-controlled brain wants me to feel and think. So I try to choose faith, one thought at a time. It’s not easy, it’s not a quick fix, but I’m determined to retrain my brain and I have more hope than ever that this is possible. So share with me below how YOU are doing today, or I’ll go clean something that doesn’t need to be cleaned. 😬 #keepingitreal
His gapped teeth. Basically my favorite. Fun fact: my husband has gapped teeth and they were one of the first things I ever was drawn to about him! Also his nose which is 💯 #baylorbeau #gapteeth
Double posting today because 1. Why not? And 2. How could I not? 😍 #gretasgram

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